When one falls

Tomorrow we find out if Conrad needs surgery.

Why is it that this feels so heavy? I never had a broken bone, the only doctor I got familiar with is the dentist in my life. I never had any surgeries, yet people all around me have medical needs and casts but I never thought it would feel this way… even to have my spouse in a cast. I think after a long winter (we thought we would escape it yet we experienced another month and a half of it) we were looking forward to Spring and hikes in nature. This is the probably the harshest side-effect.

If Conrad’s needs surgery, we will do whatever is necessary. There is no doubt about it. But no surgery is a walk in the park. He will need to have a shot in his spine to numb his legs. And then there is a metal screw to be drilled into his fibula. Lovely thoughts. I pray for healing and good bone fusion progress by tomorrow. And that this dreadful surgery is not necessary.

The home life is more peaceful though. My domain is undisturbed. I tidy things and they stay tidy. Jaclyn is at kindergarten all day Conrad on his laptop working on the couch. I drive alone everywhere so we don’t bicker together about traffic. Conrad expresses his gratitude more and I continue to cook all the meals, and clean the kitchen after, drive Jackie to and from kindergarten, ship grinders for the business and upkeep the accounting.

We were planning to go on a date on my birthday, maybe walk down the hill tomorrow adter we dropped J off…alas, next time we’ll walk hand in hand through town it will be summer like already.

I was cleaning the floors the other day, and I got this jolt of gratitude that I CAN do this. That I am in full control of my body and I can cook and clean and drive myself places and take care of our family. What a gift it is to be ABLE. I am grateful.