This Fall I meditated and let go. I realized how little I have control over, how alone I am, but not lonely. I filled my cup to the brim, whenever I had the opportunity and I mourned the changes I feared, and then let go. MORE +
Even just acknowledging the division, anger and discord in all the social layers surrounding us, slowly, if we are not careful, it is infectious. It either pushes one into depression, or it hardens the heart and makes one to respond the same. MORE +
Era o toamna calda ca asta, cand cu emotie, cu anticipare si frica, asteptam sa devenim parinti pentru prima data. Au trecut doi ani de atunci. Ne-am pregatit de impact, ca doi naufragiati pe mare. Am ales sa vorbim deschis despre decizia noastra de a adopta. Asa am simtit in inima noastra ca e mai bine pentru noi. Bucuria anticiparii adoptiei, pregatirea noastra psihica, emotionala, fizica, nu s-au putut intampla intr-un vid. Nicidecum. Desi decizia transparentei noastre are propriile efecte secundare. Nimic nu e batut in cuie in adoptie. Timpul e relativ. Asteptarea apasatoare. Variabile necunoscute. “Ce se mai aude pe frontul adoptiei? Ati mai rezolvat ceva? Mai adoptati sau v-ati razgandit?” Am incercat sa nu le-o iau in nume de rau… dar pe langa framantarea noastra, ceata propriului drum, lipsa raspunsurilor pe care noi insine ni le doream… cum de oamenii astia nu inteleg ca nu ne e usor? De ce mai pun sare pe rana? Dar nu ne-am nascut invatati si din dorinta de a face bine s-a mai gresit cu intrebarile si neintrebarile… iar noi am avut har. Fata de ei, fata de noi. Si e apa pe sub pod, cum spune o vorba in america.
There is a Romanian saying “love goes through the stomach”.
I made up a bedtime story yesterday. Generally, The stories we tell our kids are meant to be interrupted in order to clarify something, to comment on a behavior, to connect it to us. MORE +
Last night Jackie brought me “Prince Caspian” to read to her as a bedtime story. MORE +
Just like she learned her colors, and the sounds, she purposefully learned and recognizes the smells with incredible accuracy. The specific scents of all flowers, the herbs and spices, upcoming rain, type of forest, type of food, firewood smoke, candy. She can smell candy!! MORE +
For a good long while, our newly adopted kid brought out the best in us. I often told everyone that I had prepared for worse, I braced myself for impact but we had a smooth landing. MORE +
– Do you think of your sister? I had a dream about her.
– I had a dream about her too! – said J.
– You did? How was she? I asked
– She was so beautiful … [then she comes close to whisper as if it was a secret], so beautiful that I wanted to kiss her on the lips! – Then she giggles.
– I don’t want to take a shower.
– Too bad. You have to.
– I do what I want!
– Actually you don’t.
– When I’m an adult can I do what I want? Do you do what you want?
– In theory adults can do what they want. But there are limitations. Common sense limitations, legal limitations. In this house we care for each other, we respect each other, and we act in love. So we, as adults, can do what we want, but in and out of love. If our actions offend others, or hurt them, we refrain from doing what we want…
– Ok. Let’s take a shower.
We decided and informed Jackie of our decision, to gather the trash we find in nature, and either take it to the trash can or collet it in garbage bags and bring it with us. Watch out: Kids are like an active conscience. On a trip to a beautiful island in France Jackie had just slipped and got stung by an anemone, and through sobs and tears she said, pointing at a wrapper trash between bushes: “you said we will pick up the trash from nature and take it to its proper place.” It may have been a distraction from the pain for her, but I stopped and followed through. I went and picked up the trash. And couldn’t help but smile.